


will you still be there

by 000luv



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Fem!Cas, Fluff, Rule 63, Suicide mention, also sam is a guy bc why not, fem!dean, fuck the system they're both girls, very brief angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 00:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1708214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/000luv/pseuds/000luv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started one night in a motel</p>
<p>Or the one where Cas is confused, Deanna doesn't want Cas to disappear, and Sam and Kevin have a bet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	will you still be there

It all started one night in a motel.

"I think I might kill myself."

"Cas."

_Broken. Deanna sounded broken._

"Cas," Deanna tried again. "Cas,  _please_. I know you blame yourself for what happened. I know you feel guilty, and I know that it isn't your fault. It wasn't you. It was the leviathan. You made a bad choice because you wanted to do something good. I know what that feels like. I know exactly what that feels like, and it feels like shit. You can't ki- don't- I, I," Deanna choked. She cleared her throat and began again, saying, "Cas, please, just, stay. Stay with me and Sam. We need you.  _I_  need you. I don't wanna lose you again."

_She wants me to stay. She_ **_needs_ ** _me._

"De-Deanna, I-" Castiel tried to speak. "I-" she tried to start over, but her throat was tight and her vision was blurry with tears and then Deanna was there, folding the angel into her arms and softly whispering a litany of " _it'sokayt'sokayit'sokay_ " into her ear as Castiel cried.

When Castiel's whimpers seemed to die down, Deanna pulled back to look at her. Her eyes flitted around Castiel's face, finally settling on her lips. She leaned forward a bit and the angel mirrored her, their faces coming only inches apart as they shifted. In that moment, Sam fitted his key into the lock and turned. The two women sprang apart when they heard the clunk of the door unlocking. Sam walked in announcing that he had info on the case and the moment was over.

After that night, Castiel stayed with the Winchesters. She rode in the Impala and stayed in crappy motel rooms with them. Sam was confused by their new companion, but he was okay when he noticed how much happier his sister was. Really, he only complained when Castiel got to sit shotgun.

Deanna was closer to Castiel after that night as well. She smiled at the angel more and touched her more often; hands brushing her back in passing, arms around her shoulders when they were joking around, fingers brushing hers and lingering when the hunter handed her a beer. For a while, the touches spooked the former soldier, but after a while she got used to them and after a while longer she began to yearn for them.

So waking up to arms full of Deanna should have been satisfying. However, it was mostly profoundly confusing. And kind of scary.

Castiel didn't need to sleep. She didn't have to. She could watch the Winchesters while they slept, even though Deanna protested. The chairs she sat in may not have been comfortable, and the floors even less so, but at least she was being helpful.

Deanna didn't like it. Every night, she watched Castiel settle into whatever space they had available, be it a chair or the floor, and her back ached in sympathy for poor Janie's body. After a few cases and a particularly tiring hunt, Deanna had had enough.

"Come on Cas, you're sharing with me tonight."

The angel looked up, started. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me. You are going to share a bed with me tonight. I cannot stand another night of feeling sore for you because you decided to sit in a chair for four hours while we sleep. Tonight, you're gonna sleep on a bed. Sam is too big to fit anything bigger than his stuffed animals on there with him ( _shut up,_ _Dee_ _!_ ) so you're gonna have to bunk with me. Now mojo up some pj's because you're not sleeping in a fucking skirt and dress shirt. No whining accepted."

Not seeing any alternative, Castiel did as Deanna told her, zapping on a tee shirt and flannel pants and awkwardly climbing under the covers, Deanna staring expectantly at her all the while. Once she settled, she closed her eyes. Just as she had begun to slip into a meditative state, Deanna tapped her shoulder.

"Night, Cas," she whispered.

"Goodnight Deanna," Castiel replied, smiling serenely at the woman across from her.

Deanna leaned forward abruptly and pecked Castiel on the cheek before turning over to face Sam's bed.

Both women's cheeks glowed red. Castiel reached up and touched the heated skin Deanna's lips had touched, smiling softly to herself. She was still smiling when she closed her eyes.

The next morning, Castiel woke up with her arms tight around a sleepy Deanna. It was confusing to say the least. Once she had recovered from the initial shock and befuddlement, however, it dawned on the angel that this would break Deanna’s rule “no chick flick moments.” Castiel quickly removed herself from Deanna’s grip, being gentle so as to not wake the hunter.

Once she was standing on side of Deanna’s bed and not in it, she registered what time it was. It was early, judging from the dim sunlight filtering through the curtains. Both Winchesters were asleep, exhausted from the hunt. Castiel smiled gently at the siblings before flying off to find breakfast.

Sam was awake when Castiel got back. His eyes lit up when he saw the food Castiel was carrying. “I knew there was a reason I like you better than Dee.” Castiel just smiled.

Deanna woke up just a few minutes later. She jolted up out of bed, looking quickly around the room, relaxing when she spotted Castiel.

“What’s wrong, Deanna?” Castiel asked, concerned by her best friend’s odd behavior.

“Nothing’s wrong. Is that bacon?” Deanna replied, making her way over to the table and sitting in the seat next to Sam. “C’mon, Cas, dig in.”

And so went two weeks of mornings. Castiel would wake up holding Deanna, get out of bed carefully, and go get breakfast. Sometimes Sam would wake up before Castiel. On those mornings, Sam smiled softly at his sister and the angel. While Castiel’s face burned every time she noticed his gooey expression, Deanna seemed unaware, bar occasional comments about “Sam’s stupid, dopey face, are you going soft little bro?” It became routine for Castiel to remove herself from Deanna in the morning. But one night something different happened.

The first thing Castiel noticed when she woke up was that it was still dark out. The second thing she noticed was movement from the other side of the bed. Castiel could make out Deanna scooting across the bed in the dark. She watched as Deanna lifted Castiel’s arms and slid into the now open space, wrapping her own arms around the angel’s waist. Castiel was further confounded by the scene playing out in front of her when Deanna nuzzled into her neck and sighed softly before going back to sleep.

Castiel was confused. What had just happened? Why would Deanna do this? She was obviously awake and therefore consciously breaking her own rule, but why? Castiel thought back on the beginning of the cuddling, hoping for some sort of answer. What she got was the small touches and soft smiles that came before the cuddling, so she went further back. Then she remembered. That night in the motel when she had confessed her guilt to Deanna. Suddenly she understood her friend’s actions, why she had seemed so alarmed that first morning when Castiel had slid out of her arms.

_She was making sure I was still there in the morning._

The revelation sparked something inside the angel. As she lay in the warmth of Deanna’s embrace, Castiel realized the depth of her feelings. She was in love with Deanna. She was in love with the way she protected those she loved and complete strangers. She was in love with her big heart, her green eyes, her bright soul. She was in love with her compassion and fierce loyalty. Emotion overwhelmed her, her chest tight with feeling.

Just then, she noticed the sunlight hitting Deanna’s face. It lit up the hunter’s freckles and cast shadows beneath her eyelashes. The dawn had come unnoticed by the angel, but not by her bedmate, apparently. Deanna’s eyes opened slowly, still foggy from sleep. The fog promptly vanished when she saw Castiel staring at her wide eyes. Deanna’s face went from content to something more like fear.

“I can explain-” she began, but she was cut off when Castiel pressed her lips to Deanna’s.

Before Deanna could respond, Castiel pulled away.

“I woke up hours ago to you placing yourself in my arms. While it was the first time I have seen you do so, it was not the first time I have woken to being wrapped around you. I’ve spent the time since wondering why, and I’ve come to some conclusions. But first, I want you to tell me why you did so,” Castiel said.

Deanna blushed. “I didn’t know you were awake,” she said. “I just- ever since you told me about heaven a few weeks ago I’ve been so damned worried. I don’t want you to go, not when I just got you back. I‘ve been doing, uh, that, because I wanted to make sure you were still there in the morning. That’s why I freaked that first morning. I thought you were gone.” Deanna avoided Castiel’s gaze, afraid to show all the emotions she felt.

“Oh, Dee. I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere, I can promise that. I’ve never felt so loved in my whole existence as I have in these past few weeks. That’s because of you, Deanna. You took me when I was broken and you fixed me, and I couldn’t love you more for it.”

Deanna met Castiel’s eyes at that. “You- really? Do you really mean that?” Her eyes were filled with hope, and she looked about ready to burst when Castiel nodded. “Shit, Cas. Uh, me too. I, um, I love you too.”

It looked like the sun had taken up residence in Deanna’s smile and Castiel found it to be infectious. They could feel each others grins when they kissed, open mouthed and clumsy but perfect. Deanna rolled on top of Castiel, laughing when she nearly tumbled off the bed.

“God, I love you,” Deanna said between kisses, too happy to hold anything back.

“I love you, Deanna Winchester,” Castiel said firmly to be sure that Deanna wouldn’t forget.

In a diner 10 minutes away, Sam sends a text to Kevin that says “you owe me $10”

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, I had a brief obsession with genderbending. Enjoy the product.


End file.
